God,
Kiss My
A**!
by
Pastor Robert A. Pannier
Published by
Bridge to Freedom Ministries
P.O. Box 385801
Bloomington, MN 55438
Copying for non-commercial purposes is permitted.
© copyright 2011
All Rights Reserved
Printed in U.S.A.
Chapter 1
How Dare I?
God, kiss my ***! Really, is that what a pastor should call his book?
I know as a book title this seems like absolute blasphemy. After all, God is to be revered and loved and to tell him to kiss your hind parts seems like sacrilege at its highest level.
I will say up front that until I began to write this book I too would have agreed with you on this. I too would have thought that to tell God to kiss my butt was a really ridiculous thing to do. He is God! To tell him such an absurd thing was absolutely beyond the scope of anything I ever believed before.
However, I will admit that God Himself was the one who changed my opinion about this. In fact, oddly enough, the whole idea for this book came to me as I was sitting in church on Easter Sunday during the worship portion of the service, when God spoke to me and gave me this title.
Now I know that many say that they have been given a “revelation” from God that they are to say or do something, when clearly God is not the one who told them to do these things. They wanted to do this on their own, or they were convinced to do this from someone other than God, but I will show you that it is God who gave me these ideas as we move through this book. We will see that God not only wants us to feel embolden to say crazy things to Him, He knows for a fact that it will bring Him glory when it is all said and done.
So let’s get a little background of where this whole idea for this book came from so we can get a feel for what God is trying to say to us. This will help to lay a foundation.
For quite some time before I began to sit down and write this book I was going through a real dry spell in my life. I felt like God and I were not close at all anymore, which was primarily my fault. The work I was doing to further the ministry He had given to me had come to a near stop. I was becoming disillusioned and clearly was like a rudderless ship.
What became more distressing to me was that as each day moved forward the feelings I was having got worse. Even when I had good or successful days I felt like very little was actually good in my life. I found myself becoming more and more caught up in fear, and to be honest I woke up many days asking God why He even woke me up at all.
I will say with a great deal of confidence that I do not believe that my rut was any kind of mental illness. I do not believe I was suffering from some kind of chemical imbalance that was causing me to be depressed or anything. I honestly feel like a spirit of depression and hopelessness had come on me and I took that spirit and let it run me; control me.
My wife was very supportive of me and was encouraging me to keep moving forward, but she, too, was facing many of the same struggles that I was. To be honest, I think the two of us were soon caught in a horrible cycle where we were feeding off of each other’s sadness and this was driving both of us deeper into our pattern.
On many occasions God was telling me to get up, dust myself off and get moving, but I was both unable and unwilling to do so. I know He was trying to give me many ways to get myself moving, but I just couldn’t get myself motivated to do what He was asking.
To be quite frank, I have been through many circumstances in my life where I would have had every reason to quit and just give up, but I never did. I always persevered through the help of our amazing God, and was able to overcome, but for some reason I could not get it together here. What made this so frustrating was that there was no tragic event, horrific roadblock, or menacing force against me that was deterring me from succeeding. I just had nothing. It was the most frustrating thing.
This went on for nearly ten months. The work I did for God became less and less, until it was practically non-existent, I spent less and less time praying and reading the Bible, and I did very little writing at all. I found myself making bad choices and doing things that I was not proud of at all.
But it did not end there. My friendships were suffering, my marriage was suffering, my work was pathetic, and my mind was sluggish at best. The best way I can describe the way my life was going is to say that I was physically living, but I was not alive at all. I merely existed. I had no real joy, no excitement, and no real sense of purpose.
As I said, God had spoken to me on many occasions and given me great ideas to write about or to get involved in, but I could not motivate myself to do any of these things. He tried to get me excited, but the rut I was in was becoming more like a valley. Things looked so daunting and I just saw no reason to even try to get myself motivated to do anything. My joy was gone.
Replacing all my joy was just a feeling of despair and hopelessness, and it made no sense. I had gone to prison for nearly five years and never felt this. My first wife had died and I was not so down as I was at this point. And there was no reason for it!! My life was fine for the most part and there was no real reason to be in this valley, but here I was and the sides of the mountains seemed steeper and higher up with each passing day.
The solution was probably a real simple one; I just wasn’t willing to do it. I could have gone to God and spoken to Him about it, but I did not do this. I did not ask for Him to fix my situation or to motivate me to do what He was asking. I had simply turned God off for the most part and just existed.
But God was not going to leave me this way. He had other plans for me and He was not going to let me just dwell in my uselessness. He wanted me to get busy, and most importantly He wanted me talking to Him and seeking His counsel.
But how would God motivate me? Would He just turn a switch on in my brain that would make me happy and ready to do all He asked? Or maybe He would give me great success in something and this would inspire me to do as He asked of me? Or possibly He would send some great encourager to give me great words of wisdom and soon I would be all fired up and ready to eat nails for God?
Surprisingly none of these were what God had in mind. Instead the solution to my doldrums was for God to allow a series of terrible calamities to come on me, and yes God brought these calamities.
Think as you may, but God is sovereign and this makes Him in complete control of all things. God is described in the Bible as sovereign 297 times. For example, in Deuteronomy 3:24 Moses says to God:
24 “Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do?
When Samson wanted strength to destroy the Philistines for what they had done to him, he prayed in Judges 16:28:
28 Then Samson prayed to the LORD, “Sovereign LORD, remember me. Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.
David says of God in Psalm 140:7:
7 Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle.
I use these examples because each of these men recognized that God was completely sovereign, and all that they had and were was because God had given them the talents, abilities and strengths that they had. They also recognized that all events that occurred were also as a result of God willing these things to happen. Isaiah 51:22 tells us:
22 This is what your Sovereign LORD says, your God, who defends his people: “See, I have taken out of your hand the cup that made you stagger; from that cup, the goblet of my wrath, you will never drink again.
Jeremiah 4:10:
10 Then I said, “Alas, Sovereign LORD! How completely you have deceived this people and Jerusalem by saying, ‘You will have peace,’ when the sword is at our throats!”
Ezekiel 5:11:
11 Therefore as surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because you have defiled my sanctuary with all your vile images and detestable practices, I myself will shave you; I will not look on you with pity or spare you.
Bad things happened to God’s people, and you know who was responsible for those bad things? God. He made bad things happen to them. He is the Sovereign Lord, so what He wants to happen will happen.
Just so we make this clear, let us look at the definition of sovereign for a moment. The American Heritage Dictionary tells us that sovereign means:
One that exercises supreme, permanent authority, especially in a nation or other governmental unit.
Supreme means that no one has greater power than the one who rules. In many countries they have a sovereign ruler of their nation. This means that whatever this person says is true is what all must believe. The ruler is the creator of the law and no one can challenge their authority. This man or woman has complete and total authority over all, and the only way their authority can be removed is through some kind of usurping of that man or woman’s position. However, as long as they rule, whatever they say is what must occur.
God is sovereign over all of the Universe. While we are told that Satan is the prince of this world (John 16:11), the only reason he has any authority is because God granted him this power. In other words, he cannot do anything without God giving consent to the things he does.
This is important for us to realize because we must understand that when things happen here on earth they happen because God directly caused them to happen, or He gave power to Satan to allow them to happen. He is sovereign so nothing happens unless He made it happen or willed it to happen.
I tell you this because this principle is very important for us to understand if we are going to truly understand this book and its purpose. God brings about bad circumstances on purpose, and causes bad things to happen. This is what God did to me.
After nearly ten months of me growing deeper and deeper into this valley of discouragement God brought an onslaught of suffering my way. It began with some financial struggles for my wife and myself. This financial situation was most troublesome for my wife, and there was nothing I could do about it. My brother was also facing a great deal of financial hardship and I felt limited in how I could help him.
Then came a series of physical problems for me. First I was attacked and robbed when I tried to help someone. This man asked me to help him find his wedding ring he had lost and when I attempted to do so, he hit me in the head and robbed me, leaving me in a swamp to die of hypothermia. Fortunately, I was able to get up eventually and call 911.
Then came the sicknesses. My heart had problems, then my digestive track, then my kidneys and gall bladder, and finally my liver. In between I also was severely electrocuted when my cat knocked a light into the sink I was trying to unclog, and I received quite a dose of electricity.
But this was not the end of the calamity. My car had problems, I lost some money out of my pocket, the bank made an error in my account, and a few people were trying to swindle me out of money through dishonest means. All of this was going on in just about a 35-day period.
All of this would have been no big deal to me if all it affected was me, but it did not. My wife was suffering greatly during this and she was very worried and feeling beat down, and this began to make me angry.
What made me really angry most of all was that the solution to all the problems I was having financially were very simple to resolve, but all these extremely crazy circumstances stood in the way of a successful remedy. God just had to do the simplest things and all would be well, but NO!!!
With each new situation that arose I was getting angrier to the point of being downright hostile to God. I was literally swearing at God, cursing Him, and just asking Him to get out of my life. I wanted Him to just leave me alone.
You see I understood that the reason for all the hardship I was facing was because of Him. I had put myself in some bad situations, and was reaping what I had sown in some ways, but I also understood that the reason all these hardships were coming my way was because God ordered them that way. He willed them this way because He is sovereign.
God had me livid. He had me so angry that I was calling Him names and saying things to Him that I have never said to anyone before. I was speaking in the most irreverent and disrespectful manner imaginable to Him and each day it just got more vulgar and more hostile.
But you know what else all this hardship and frustration did? It got me talking to Him again.
You see, God caused all this trouble and hardship because His ultimate goal was to get me talking to Him again. I fully understood that He was responsible for all the troubles I was facing and He knew I knew this. He knew I had no doubt that all the troubles I was facing were because He made them happen. He also knew that if He caused all this trouble it would get me out of my funk and make me angry enough to start blasting Him. In the oddest and wisest way imaginable, God made a way to get communication flowing between us, even if that communication was vulgar and hateful.
This is the foundation from which we build this book. Yes, I agree that God wants you speaking to Him in a loving and reverent way, but most important to Him is that we are speaking to Him and coming to Him when we are struggling. God knows the way to get us motivated, and so it is on this principle that we will examine and learn how incredible God’s wisdom and love are, even when we are saying, “God kiss my a**!”
Chapter 2
Men of God Get Mad At God
I know this is not a popular thing to teach, but honestly it is ok to be mad at God. God even said that it was acceptable to be angry. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26:
26 “In your anger do not sin.”
Let us understand that God is the one who gave us these emotions. He did so because we are like Him. We are created in His likeness which means that God gets angry at times as well. I am sure that watching me and all the stupid things I do make God angry a lot of the time.
He is also not afraid to show His anger. On many occasions He punished the Israelite people for their sinful ways, because He was angry at them. When Jesus was here on earth He too became angry at the things that the people were doing. We even see that once He came into the temple and found them using God’s House as a place of corrupt business. John 2:13-16:
13 When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”
While we are not told specifically that Jesus was “angry,” I am sure it is easy to deduce that He would not have overturned tables and made a whip to run people away if He was in a joyous, happy mood. He was angry at what He saw happening and He lashed out to demonstrate His frustration and anger at them.
We are made to be like Jesus, and this means that when we see things that are going on that we believe are unrighteous that we too have the right to be angry. God is angry at unrighteousness and so should we be. This may mean that at times we will see things that God is doing and become angry at Him.
Now before I go any further let me clarify something before I get all kinds of angry letters or you stop reading this book because you think I am speaking something evil of God. God does not do unrighteous things. All His actions are holy and lawful, and it is because of this that He is sin-free. However, this does not mean that we think that everything He does is perfect and lawful. We may have a difference of opinion with Him at times, because we think something seems wrong.
If you are thinking that you are alone in questioning God you are kidding yourself. All of us question God at one point or another. Even great men of the Bible like David did so. Look at 1 Chronicles 13 as an example.
The people of Israel have just recovered the Ark and are taking it to Jerusalem. While they are moving it the oxen pulling the cart stumble and the Ark is about to fall off the cart and onto the ground. Uzzah reaches out to steady it so it will not fall on the ground and when he does the Lord strikes him down for touching the Ark. We are then told in verse 11:
11 Then David was angry because the LORD’s wrath had broken out against Uzzah, and to this day that place is called Perez Uzzah.
Perez Uzzah means “outbreak against Uzzah,” and David chose this name because he was very angry at the Father for striking down a man whose only sin was wanting to protect the Ark of the Lord. To David (and I am sure to many of us as well) this seemed to be a ridiculous thing to do. There was no reason to punish this man in this way.
As a result, David decided not to bring the Ark to Jerusalem and left it at the house of Obed-Edom. He did not understand why God would do such a thing, and so he just decided that for a time that the Ark would not be moved.
Does God explain to David why He did this to Uzzah? No, and the Bible does not share with us why this happened. This just seems like an unjust act by God, but it is not. God is just and He had His reasons, but that does not mean that we are not allowed to question why He would do such a thing.
If you spend some serious time looking at the Psalms you will see that David constantly questioned God on what He was doing. Many Psalms contain very painful, bitter prayers from David questioning the wisdom and purpose of God’s actions. Just look at Psalm 88 for a moment. David begins this song, by telling how great God is and He is the one who saves. Verses 1-2:
1 LORD, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you. 2 May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry.
This is a great prayer of how incredible God’s majesty and salvation are, but the rest of this Psalm has an entirely different tone. The rest of the Psalm is David questioning why God seems to have abandoned him and left him to suffer. Just look at some of these verses:
Verses 6-9:
6 You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. 7 Your wrath lies heavily on me; you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. 8 You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; 9 my eyes are dim with grief.
Verses 13-14:
13 But I cry to you for help, LORD; in the morning my prayer comes before you. 14 Why, LORD, do you reject me and hide your face from me?
Why do you reject me? Does this sound familiar to many of us? I know that many times I have asked God, “Why?” and I was not asking in a peaceful, loving way.
Too often I think many of us read verses like this and remove the emotion from them. Let us keep in mind that many of the Psalms that David wrote were when he was in great trouble. Think about all the times he was running for his life. King Saul and his son Absalom wanted to kill him at different points in his life, not to mention losing four of his sons, his daughter being raped by one of his sons, and the Lord punishing him for indiscretions he had committed. He was a deeply burdened guy for much of his life, and this is demonstrated in these Psalms.
It is with this in mind that we need to realize that when we read these Psalms we must consider the emotion of what David is saying. He is mad and frustrated and overwhelmed by what God is doing and wants God to stop what is going on. He wants peace and is not receiving any.
Look at Psalm 44:23-26:
23 Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. 24 Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression? 25 We are brought down to the dust; our bodies cling to the ground. 26 Rise up and help us; rescue us because of your unfailing love.
Can you see the emotion in these verses. David is really saying, “Hey God stop ignoring me. Wake up and do something to help me. Can’t you see I am suffering? You say your love is unfailing, so RESCUE US!!!”
This is not a song of happiness at how great the Father is. This is not a passive request for assistance. This is an angry cry for help. God do something NOW!!!! What is wrong with YOU!!!!
Look at the words David wrote in Psalm 22:1-8:
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? 2 My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. 3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the one Israel praises, 4 In you our ancestors put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. 5 To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. 6 But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by everyone, despised by the people. 7 All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. 8 “He trusts in the LORD,” they say, “let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.”
Can you see the anger in this?
David is wanting to know why God has abandoned him and he wants to know right now. I know some of the anguish is lost in this because the translators choose to make all things in the Bible seem so noble and proper, but the reality is that this is an angry David wanting to know what in the heck is going on.
He then points out how God came to the aid of the people of Israel in the past, and he wants to know why God is not there for him now. He is being treated badly, hurt and scorned, yet God seems to have abandoned him. He is mad. Wouldn’t you feel the same way? Haven’t you felt the same way before?
What makes this set of verses more important is that verse 1 was used by Jesus when He was on the cross suffering. Again, if you have watched many of the movies about Jesus you see a stoic Jesus asking in a monotone voice why God seems to have abandoned Him. But come on now, that is not even remotely possible. Jesus has been beaten, carried a huge cross for nearly three hours, had his hands and feet nailed to that cross, and is now hanging in extreme agony; He is not lovingly questioning the wisdom of the Father at this point. He is frustrated, suffering, wanting to know where God is in His agony.
I don’t say this to diminish how amazing Jesus is. This is not to tear down the mystique of Jesus by showing that He actually was angry and really yelled at the Father for how He was suffering. In fact, to me, this shows how really amazing Jesus is. He knew that this is what was to happen to Him, and He still could have got out of this suffering while on the cross; all He had to do was demand the angels save Him. Yet He chose to stay up there, abandoned by the Father, and suffer the most excruciating death imaginable for us. That leaves me in awe.
What makes all of these verses so important to us is that God had them specifically put into the Bible so that we can see that it is completely acceptable to question what God is doing, and to become angry with God when we see things that we believe to be unjust. This is what David did. This is what Job did. Let’s look at Job’s words for a moment.
Job is a man who has seen all that he has taken from him. His family, his crops, his animals are all gone. All he has left is his wife and she is deeply depressed and angered by what has happened. Job does what all of us do when incredible calamity comes our way. Job 3:1-4:
1 After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. 2 He said: 3 “May the day of my birth perish, and the night that said, ‘A boy is conceived!’ 4 That day—may it turn to darkness; may God above not care about it; may no light shine on it.
How many of us have cursed the day we were born? I know I have done so quite recently. I have stood before God wanting to know why He would allow this to go on if all that was going to happen was that I was going to suffer in this way. I was angry; have you been as well?
Job is later challenged by his friends, who point out to him that if he is suffering then it is because God has chosen to do to him what he deserves. Job protests and says what we all say as well. Job 13:3:
3 But I desire to speak to the Almighty and to argue my case with God.
“God, I don’t deserve what you are doing to me, and let me tell you why.” Sound familiar? Of course it is. We all say this. We all feel that we do not deserve what is coming our way, so we lash out at God and demand for Him to explain why He is doing the things He is doing.
This is what Job did. He wanted to stand before God and hear God’s reasons for letting him suffer, and then fully intended to give God a piece of his mind as to why this was so unjust. He was ready to yell at God!
But don’t think that these feelings are only in men. Women too become upset at God when tragedy comes their way, they just manifest their anger in a little different way. Look at the story of Ruth.
This begins as the story of a woman, Naomi, whose two sons get married. Tragically both her sons and her husband die. Naomi is very upset at what has happened and in response she changes her name to Mara. In Ruth 1:20 we read:
20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.
Mara means “bitter,” and the word bitter means to have strong animosity toward someone or something. Who is Mara bitter against? God. She says that the Lord has made her bitter. She is angry that He has taken all away from her.
This is one of those situations where again we must consider the emotions of what she is saying. Too often we read these verses and remove away the emotion to them, but when you include them into her words can you see that Naomi is really vile in her words. She is outraged at God. I mean really MAD!!!
Does she have a right to be mad? Of course. Who would not be angry at losing their children and husband? No one can fault her, and she puts the blame at the feet of the one who is inevitably to blame for all her troubles…God. This is only natural.
I bring these examples up because I want you to see that men and women who are revered as great people of faith in the Bible, including Jesus, became angry at the Father at times. They questioned His wisdom and wanted to know how He could allow the things He did to go on. They saw what appeared to them to be injustice on the part of God and questioned in anger how God could do this.
Chapter 3
How Could You Not Be Angry At God?
Recently I was watching this woman on television whose house had been destroyed by a tornado. As if losing her home was not bad enough, two of her kids were killed in the disaster and another one was fighting for his life. It was a very sad circumstance and I had the deepest sympathy for this woman.
The woman appeared on one of those Christian talk shows to talk about how the disaster had affected her. The moderator of the show asked her how she had felt about losing her children and home in this way and her response was, “Oh, it is sad, but I trust in God. I know He has a great plan for this, and I am just resting in the blessings He provides.”
Only one response came to mind as I listened to her. LIAR!!!!
You lost two kids, your home, and you have another kid fighting for his life and you are “resting” in confidence in God. No offense to her, but that is a lie. Clearly anyone who went through this much hardship would at the very least be wondering why this happened to them. At the least it would seem unfair, and at the most it would be an absolute outrage.
Too often we see tragedy go on and try to rationalize it that everything will be ok, because this is according to God’s plan that it happened. While I agree that nothing happens that is not in the plan of God, this does not mean that we have to find joy and happiness in all that goes on. To be honest, God did not intend for us to find joy in all circumstances. I mean there is nothing good about death and destruction.
Now I know as I write this that there are many out there who are running Bible verses through your minds to tell me how I should find joy and peace in all circumstances. For example Romans 15:13 tells us:
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
1 Thessalonians 5:18:
18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:11:
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
All these verses tell us that we should be content and trust in God no matter what the circumstances are, and inevitably I agree with this. However, I do not believe that God is wanting you to find joy in the turmoil or crisis. I mean who can be happy about seeing war or horrific disease? No one should rejoice in these things. Instead He wants us to see the blessings that result from calamity. I will explain this more, but first let me add two more verses for you that I know others have thought of, because they will also aid in this discussion.
Proverb 3:5-6:
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
And of course, Romans 8:28:
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
All of these verses provide the same wisdom, which is that in circumstances that are happening we should not rely on what we think is right and wrong, but should instead trust and have confidence in what God is doing. We should know that all He does is for our good.
But this does not mean that we cannot be angry at what God is doing. In fact, God is the designer of us, and He has created a process in us for dealing with hardships and troubles.
In 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote her book On Death and Dying, which establishes the five stages that a person goes through when coping with grief. It should be noted that while not everyone is the same, and that everyone copes with troubles a little differently than others, all people go through these five stages when dealing with grief or loss. The duration or intensity in a stage may be different for some than it is for others, but all will go through these five stages before the loss is completely dealt with. When a person does not complete the process they always become bogged down in one stage and never continue to mature to reach the final stage.
According to Dr. Kübler-Ross the stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
In Denial, a person refuses to accept the loss or troubles they are facing. They may act like nothing has happened or that everything will be the same. You see this kind of thing in a person who loses a child yet still leaves the child’s room exactly the way it was when the child died.
In the Anger stage, the person demands to know why this is happening to them and looks for someone to blame for their circumstances. In this stage they no longer deny the reality of what has happened and instead become rageful, often lashing out at others.
After Anger comes Bargaining, where a person tries to find hope in the tragedy or troubles and to negotiate with God to do something to help them to overcome this situation or to restore things to the way they were. Frequently you see this with soldiers who are in combat and are afraid they will die so they bargain with God that if He will save them, they will become better men and women, maybe even join the priesthood or become a minister.
Next comes Depression. In this stage a person realizes that there is nothing that can be done to change their circumstance and a feeling of complete hopelessness comes over them. They see very little reason to do anything and they become very lethargic about life.
The last stage is Acceptance, where a person comes to grips with what has happened to them, and they prepare themselves for the eventuality of whatever is to come.
All people go through these stages and this tells us something very important: God is the Creator of these stages. The fact that all of us endure through hardship in this way shows us that God designed us to overcome our tragedies and turmoil in the same manner. Some may never get to acceptance, and that is a choice, but if you are to truly overcome then you will go through the prior four stages before reaching the final stage.
Look at Job as an example. He loses his family and all his possessions and at first he is in denial. This simply could not have happened to him. He did not deserve this and this is not what should have happened. He then becomes angry, demanding that God come and battle with him and show him why he had done this. Remember we read in chapter 2 of this book how Job had demanded that God come and present His case to Job so he could present his case back to God.
Job then bargained with God that if God would restore all that was lost he would serve him more fervently, and love him more. Finally he returns to an underlying overtone of the whole book which is that he wished he was never born and that he wished he was dead.
But finally he comes to understand that God is in charge, and that even though events have occurred that are not pleasant, he should still trust God. God is in control and he must trust and have faith in this.
Job had to process this before he could come to this point. So did David. Look at the Psalms where he is crying out to God and then at the end realizes that God is good and in control. There are some stages of grieving going on that he is processing through to come to the conclusion that God can be trusted.
You see it is true that we should find joy and happiness in all circumstances, but this only comes when we reach the stage of acceptance. We must first process through all the other stages before we can believe all things work for good, trust in the Lord, acknowledge that all His ways are better than ours, and find joy in our troubles. These take some time, and this is the way that God designed us to be.
How can we have trust that this is what God expects us to do? Because He made us like Him. He processes things in the same way. Don’t you think that when you do something that is really outrageous to God that His first response is to not believe that we could actually do that. A 50-year old man rapes a 4-year old girl. Don’t you think God is in heaven going, “There is no way he could have done that.”
Don’t you then think God gets angry at the things we do? Look at how He became frustrated at the Israelite people on many occasions and eventually lashed out at them to punish them for their sinful ways. He was outraged at what they did.
God also bargained with them. Look at 2 Chronicles 7:14:
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
There are many examples of these kinds of negotiations between God and man. I know many will say that this is related more to the phileo style of love where a person loves in an equal and fair manner, (In other words, I will love you because you love me, and I will do things for you because you do things for me) but I say that this is also a form of bargaining. In this chapter Solomon is dedicating the temple he has built to the Lord. God tells us in some later verses of this chapter that if the people do not do as He asks then He will be forced to destroy the temple, and make them a source of ridicule because they have forsaken the Lord.
You know what? He knows they are going to do this. He knows they are going to follow false gods and do things wrong. He knows that Solomon, the wisest man on earth, is also going to do these things, and He is trying to bargain with them to not sin in this way. I don’t just read this as a stoic, angry God telling the people to not sin or He will punish them. I see this as a God pleading with His people that He loves so much to not do wrong. He would love to give them great things, but they must obey. But He is grieved because He knows they will fail.
Do you think God cries at the things we do. Do you think He is depressed over what He sees us do and what He knows we will do in the future? Look at Luke 19:41-44:
41 As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it 42 and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. 43 The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. 44 They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”
Jesus sees the city of Jerusalem and knows that one day it will be completely destroyed. He cries about this. He is saddened by what will go on there. He knows their sins and hatred of God has brought condemnation upon them, and He is depressed about this. God is depressed by the things we do.
God finally accepts what we do though, and He finds a remedy to fix or cope with the circumstances. Our sin, for example, He dealt with this by having Jesus die on the cross. His acceptance of our sin is to look at what Jesus has done and know the price of our sin has been paid. He can accept what we have done and what we will do, because Jesus took care of it all.
God created us in His likeness, which means we too must go through these stages if we are going to be able to come to a point of acceptance. To deny how we are feeling is not healthy to be honest. If you do not accept how you are feeling and process those feelings they will eat you up and you will suffer. It is a process; a process that God designed to help you cope with your struggles.
But at the end of this process the result is you being able to do all of these things that God wants for you. You can trust in Him, and know that all that has gone on is eventually for good. You can lean on God and His wisdom. You can find joy in all circumstances because you learn through the stages that acceptance is attainable.
I think we must also be a little honest and realistic with ourselves. No one immediately finds peace in horrible circumstances. Not even Jesus. He knows He is going to die. He knows why He must die. In fact, He was the author of this whole plan in the first place (Colossians 1:16). Yet when He was on the cross He was angry that He felt that the Father had abandoned Him. It is just natural to feel this way.
In all seriousness who can immediately accept some of the horrible tragedies that we see happen each and every day. You would have to be a completely calloused person or someone who is a little mentally disturbed to just ignore or set aside your feelings at the events that go on around us each day.
I consider myself a fairly grounded person about most things, but truthfully if something happened to my wife or children I would be really upset. I would be questioning God’s wisdom and be quite irate at Him.
I am sure you can find many things in your life that if these certain tragedies happened you would not be finding joy in them. The death of your child, an assault on your daughter, the loss of your job, the destruction of your house, your spouse wanting a divorce, your friend betraying you, or someone spreading terrible gossip about you may be just enough to get you off your trusting position with God and set in motion the grief process.
If this happens it is ok. Don’t worry if you are angry at God for what is going on. It is natural for you to feel this way, and you can take solace in the fact that great men and women in the Bible felt just the same way that you are feeling.
Chapter 4
The False Teachings About Anger
When I began to write this book, I did a little research on-line to find what others were saying about this subject. Not surprisingly I found very few that agreed with me. In fact, most felt that to be angry with God is a sin.
Now, I do not mean to single out any particular pastor. My reasons for using certain quotes is not to insult or to belittle anyone in any way. I just use these as examples because they demonstrate some of the problem areas that pastors and ministers are having in understanding what God is doing and why He allows these things to go on.
When you ask many pastors why it isn’t acceptable to be angry at God, the primary reason they give is because most people feel entitled somehow to always have things go their way. In essence they are saying that people are throwing a fit because God will not give them what they want. Pastor Louie Shepherd explains it this way in his blog on anger at God:
Personally, I think when a person is mad at God they feel entitled to their life always going smoothly. And when it doesn't it's always someone else's fault. And if they can't pinpoint someone to blame then they project their sense of unfairness on the Ultimate Cause...that being God.
Here we see that he concludes that Christians believe that somehow God should always make things good for them, and when this does not happen they lash out at God for being “unfair” to them. This would be true if a person was upset at God because they got a hangnail or their car would not start, but there are many who have every reason to be angry about their circumstances. A man who has just watched his wife and children die in a house fire has every right to be mad, and they have every right to be angry with God for allowing this calamity to happen. This is not a person who expects things to always go his way. He is someone who simply looks at a personal tragedy, that is beyond our imagination, and is angry at God for letting it happen.
A woman in the Sudan who goes out to pick wheat from a field and soon finds herself being dragged into a truck and raped by a mob of rebel soldiers is not someone who is thinking everything should go smoothly and peacefully. She is someone who simply wanted some food, and was violated in the most grotesque way imaginable, and as a result she has a right to be angry. To say that she does not is not only inhumane to her, but is denying how God must feel about this as well. Don’t you think He is mad about this too?
An assumption is being made here that pride is the reason that people have chosen to be angry at God. While that may be true in some cases, there are also good and valid reasons that are based on righteous ideals for why a person can look at what has occurred and be angry about it. They can conclude that things that are happening are wrong, even if God is the cause of those things. I am not saying that if God caused them that they are wrong. I am just saying that some of us have good reasons for believing that God is being unfair. But I will explain this more later.
Andrew Womack supports the thoughts of Pastor Shepherd. He quotes James 3:16 (KJV):
16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
Pastor Womack then says of this verse:
Think about what this verse is saying for a moment. Envy and strife bring EVERY evil work. That is quite a revelation! You could be giving tithes and offerings and trusting God in the area of your finances, but if you're living in strife, you are opening the door to poverty. You could be trying to take care of your body and meditating on healing scriptures, yet envy and strife will negate all of that and bring sickness and disease. No one who is trusting God for victory in any area of their life can ignore dealing with anger and expect to succeed. It's that important.
He equates anger and living in anger as the reason that one soon finds himself or herself in poverty. While I do agree with him that if you continue to live in anger you will not live a victorious life, it does not mean that at times you cannot be angry and frustrated with God for things that occur. This is how He designed you; to undergo a process of coping with grief and turmoil by using anger as a means to eventually reach acceptance.
Pastor Womack continues on the same pathway as Pastor Shepherd in relation to anger being directly correlated with pride. He quotes Proverb 13:10:
10 Only by pride cometh contention.
He then tells us:
It's not what others do to us that makes us angry; it's the pride inside of us that causes us to get mad. I know that's not what most people believe, but that's what God's Word says. This verse doesn't say that pride is one of the major reasons for anger — it's the only reason.
The only reason? Is it prideful to believe that you should not be raped? Is it prideful to want your family to not die in a horrific fire?
This is too simple an answer. On top of that, it is completely judgmental of another’s actions. People want to have certain dignities, and when those dignities are taken away they have a RIGHT to be angry about them, even if their anger is directed at God.
What is saddening to me is that too many pastors have concluded that it is somehow unlawful for a person to be angry at God; that by being angry at the Lord you are doing something that is completely “unchristian.”
David Wilkinson of World Challenge puts it this way:
I believe there is nothing more dangerous to a Christian than to carry around a resentment against God. Yet I am shocked by the growing number of believers I meet who are peeved at the Lord. They may not admit as much - but deep inside, they hold some kind of grudge against him. Why? They believe he's not interested in their lives or problems! They're convinced he doesn't care - because he hasn't answered a particular prayer or acted on their behalf.
He is right. They are holding a grudge against God. This is part of the stages of grief. God is ultimately responsible so they are placing their anger at the One who is responsible for what has happened to them. This is where it belongs.
Many pastors conclude that no one has any right to be upset at God, because He is perfect and holy. His plans are always right so if you are upset at what He does then you are in essence saying that He is doing something wrong. Harold Pointer, pastor of Christ-Centered Ministries tells it this way:
Currently I’m thinking that we assume or conclude that because God is perfect in all that He does, by being upset with what he allows in our lives we are somehow now "at odds" with God and we therefore are out of his will and thus, potentiality on the verge of spiritual destruction.
When I read things like this I think of children who have been punished by their parents or who simply have been told by their parents that they cannot do something. Is the child still upset? Of course he or she is. That child wanted to do something and is not able to do that, so he or she will be mad at that parent.
Why would we not feel the same way about our Father in Heaven? If He has done something that we disagree with or don’t like, it is only inevitable that we would be upset about this.
But what these pastors and teachers are really not understanding is that they are saying that you cannot be angry at God at all, when what they are really meaning (or should be meaning) is that you cannot stay continually mad at God. That would be wrong.
Let’s look back at Pastor Wilkinson for a moment. He speaks about ministers who get angry at God and he writes:
I see a similar rage among a growing number of ministers in many denominations. They've become disillusioned, burned out, angry with God - and now they're walking away from their calling. When you ask them why, they answer:
"I was diligent, faithful - I gave it my best. But the harder I tried, the less results I saw. My congregation was not appreciative. And all my prayers seemed in vain. At one point, everything I preached felt phony, because it wasn't working in my own life. Now I've quit the ministry until I can figure things out."
I have learned over the years that very few such ministers ever return. Why? They hold onto their peeve against God! They say, "I did everything right. But nothing turned out the way I'd hoped. I was faithful to him - but he failed me!"
What he is talking about are ministers who are not maturing and continuing through the stages to acceptance. They have chosen to be angry at God and to not stop being angry. This would be wrong!
It is perfectly acceptable to be angry at God. It is not acceptable, however, to remain angry at God. This is not permissible at all.
It is much in the same way that we look at the wrongs that others have committed against us. If someone shoots me I have every right to be angry at what they have done. After all, they could have killed me. This is not an issue of pride. It would be wrong for another to shoot me to try to kill or rob me and the Law of God supports my right to be upset about this. However, Jesus tells us that I must forgive this person. Forgiveness may not come right away, and because of the stages of grief that God has programmed us to follow I will not forgive right away, even if I say that I will.
But for me to truly walk with Christ, I must reach a point where I do forgive that person. I cannot continually hold onto anger and bitterness. This would not only be wrong, it would be unhealthy to do.
When these ministers speak about being angry at God, they should focus their attention on the teaching that it is not permissible to remain angry at God. This is not allowed. Each of us must mature to a point where we move past anger at God and instead accept His incredible will. These ministers that Pastor Wilkinson speaks about refused to mature, and to be honest it was good that they left the ministry. They should not be shepherding and teaching others to do things that are not of God.
As I mentioned in the first chapter of this book, the important thing about this whole issue is that if one is angry at God at least there is some dialogue that is going on. Dr. Dér Stépanos Dingilian writes in "Angry with God?!" :
…an implication of the above is that anger implies a perceived relationship, regardless of real or imaginary. Therefore, it is crucial to recognize that when a person becomes angry with another it confirms that there is a perceived relationship. Generally, we are angered most by the actions of those who are close to us.
This is very well said by Dr. Dingilian. We get most angry at those we are closest to. If things went really badly for you, and you just ignored God and His relationship in the turmoil, it is probably very likely that you simply don’t care about God very much at all. The reason you are angry at God for what has happened is because you have such a close relationship with Him and you expect Him to do more for you.
Dr. Kübler-Ross would agree with this. She explains in her article, “The Five Stages of Grief,” the reason for anger:
Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – - your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing. We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.
We need anger to anchor ourselves to something, and that anchor is God. He has us become angry so that we will seek to connect ourselves closer to Him.
But look at the last statement she makes here. Our anger shows how intense our love is. If we did not care about God and what He is doing we would not be angry at Him. Our anger comes because we love Him so much and want to feel that He loves us and so we become bothered by the fact that God would allow calamity to happen to us. We feel all should go smoothly.
Now I am not saying you are expecting that God will not bring you any form of turmoil ever again. That would be unrealistic and would be prideful to believe you are exempt from trouble, but there is nothing wrong with thinking that God should want circumstances to be better for you than how He has created them. Just as children want their parents to make life easy and free from harm, so too do we want God to do this for us.
In fact, it is important to consider that in any relationship there is going to be friction at times. This is what happens when you have people who have different viewpoints than each other. Wouldn’t you agree that God has a different point of view than we do at times? Then it is inevitable that friction will occur in our relationship.
My wife and I see things the same way on a vast majority of issues, but not always. This causes friction between us, and even makes us mad at each other at times. Do we still love each other and desire to be close in our relationship? Of course we do, but during those times that we disagree we sometimes say or do things that are not the most loving. This does not change our love for one another. It simply means that our point of view is something we both feel strongly about.
When things happen that make us upset we go to God to question His rationality for doing what He has done. We may know that God is always doing things in our interests and for our good, but that does not mean that we will always see it that way. And truthfully it is acceptable to have a different point of view than God does.
Consider the example of Moses for a moment. On many occasions God had reached His limit with the Israelite people and intended to destroy them. His position was quite adamant in fact; destruction was what they had earned, and this is what they were going to get. But Moses did not accept this. He debated with God and explained why God should not take this stance, and as a result God took the position that Moses had. Moses convinced God to do something other than what God had planned.
King Hezekiah was told by God to get his affairs in order because he was going to die. Instead he debated with God and pleaded to live longer and as a result God granted his request and gave him more years to his life.
I point these stories out because sometimes, for whatever reason, God does not do as He tells us and actually listens to our point of view. This should tell us that it is acceptable to go before God and to tell Him that some situation He has created is not all right. We can be angry, frustrated, sad, and disappointed about the event, as long as we continue to process this, and see that if God does not change His mind, then we must accept His will for this event.
But let us make a clear distinction to close out this chapter. Anger at God is perfectly acceptable. The actions that you take against God when you are angry may not necessarily be acceptable however.
I mentioned at the start of this book that during my time of extreme anger at God that I was very upset and livid about the way things were going. It was perfectly acceptable for me to feel this way. Unfortunately I chose to manifest this anger by cursing at God and by saying things that were absolutely vulgar and hateful. This was not acceptable.
Paul told us in Ephesians 4:26 that in our anger to not sin. Saying hateful things to anyone is a sin, especially to God. I may have been angry, but that did not give me the right to sin.
Anger is such an interesting emotion, because by nature it manifests itself by lashing out at others. That lashing out is acceptable to an extent. It is permissible to yell at God. “God why have you done this? Fix it, I am suffering here, can’t you see this?”
Anger often appears out of desperation, and that desperation leads us to demand answers and help from God. He is perfectly understanding that our desperation will bring out these kinds of outbursts.
But there are cases when outbursts are not acceptable. A profanity-laced tirade at God over why He is “stupid and unconcerned” with what is happening to you is not permissible. To be honest, it will not help the situation.
I will say, however, that because God is so amazing and loving, that He does understand when you do this. I know when I was in my car driving somewhere and I was so angry and just yelling at God, He understood that I was in this state of mind because I was so desperate and hurting so much that I wanted Him to understand how upset I was. I acted as if He could not feel my true desperation, and I wanted Him to get how I was feeling. He did understand, and He knew well how I felt.
I want you to see the grace and wisdom in the anger I felt. God knew there was one clear way to get me talking to Him again; to make me angry, because I would know that He was the cause of my calamity. He wanted me to be talking to Him and expressing my anger at Him, even knowing that my anger was going to be vile and completely unloving. What He wanted most was that I was talking to Him, and this is what He accomplished.
If you are angry, God is not saying to take you anger and run away. Don’t listen to these pastors and ministers who are telling you to not be angry at God because this is sin. Instead embrace your frustrations and tell God about them. Do what it takes to get your point across to Him, and share your anger, no matter how that works out. He understands you are mad, and is in fact the One who made you mad, yet He is loving enough to endure your tirades.
So speak truthfully and speak from the heart. Just make sure you are speaking to God.
Chapter 5
God Wants Responsibility
In this whole debate about being angry at God there is one thing that is being lost in the discussion. This is the fact that God wants responsibility for the things that He does and causes. Unlike many of us, God is not at all afraid to acknowledge and take credit for the things that He has done.
When I first became a Christian I was so happy and excited to be basking in the freedom that came from Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for me. I was very pleased to know that He so freely and willingly died for me. But as I grew in my faith one of the burning questions in my heart was why Jesus was the One who had to die for us. What made it so that He was the choice to pay the price. I mean, why not the Father or the Holy Spirit?
One day as I was reading the Bible it became perfectly clear to me. Colossians 1:16 tells us:
16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.
Paul is speaking of Jesus and he tells us that Jesus is the Creator of all things. Now this makes more sense to me. As the Creator He is the One who is responsible for all things that people do, because He is the One who Created us all. Because we are His creation all that we do He is ultimately responsible for.
This principle is laid out to us in Exodus 21:33-34. Here we read:
33 “If anyone uncovers a pit or digs one and fails to cover it and an ox or a donkey falls into it, 34 the one who opened the pit must pay the owner for the loss and take the dead animal in exchange.
What we read here is that if someone makes a pit and an animal of another falls into the pit, the one who created the pit, and did not cover it well, is responsible for the loss of the animal. That may not seem like it is applicable to this situation, but let me explain this for a moment.
God is the Creator of all things. Everything on earth was created by Him, and all things that living creatures do is because He designed them to do it. This includes Satan. In this Law in Exodus 21 Satan is the pit. God made Satan knowing that we would be unable to resist the temptations he offers. As a result we fall into the pitfalls that Satan puts in our way because God did not bind (cover) Satan so that we could not fall into his spells.
When we sin we move from life to death, just as the ox that fell into the pit died. Therefore God is responsible for redeeming us and making payment for making us dead. How did He do this. He sent Himself (Jesus), the Creator of all things, to die on the cross to pay for our sins. The moment that Satan tricked Adam and Eve into eating the fruit of the tree Jesus became liable for the sins of everyone of us because He did not properly cover the pit He had made.
This makes Jesus lawfully responsible for all that we do. As such He is the only One who can lawfully pay for what we have done, because He made us all. He is our Creator.
You see nowhere in the Law did it make it permissible for another to come and pay the cost for someone else digging the hole. What I mean is that if you dug a hole and another’s animal fell in and died, I could not pay your debt. You were responsible for yourself. Remember that Jesus is the Creator of the Law and He bound Himself to it, so He must follow His own Law to remain holy. This is what He did when He died on the cross for us.
I tell you this because I want you to understand that God has no fear in taking responsibility for the things that occur on earth. In fact, He openly embraces it. He is so perfect and righteous that He will openly admit to anything that He has done or caused to happen. This means that sometimes God brings evil.
Now before someone gets all worked up and thinks I am saying that God does wicked things or sins, we need to understand that evil and wicked are not the same thing.
In 1Samuel 16:15 we are told:
15 Saul’s attendants said to him, “See, an evil spirit from God is tormenting you.
Where did the evil spirit come from that was tormenting Saul? From God. God created the evil upon Saul.
In Lamentations 3:37-38 Jeremiah writes:
37 Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? 38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?
Isaiah 45:7:
7 I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.
What we see in these verses is that God boldly proclaims that when things are going good for you that He is the reason. He also tells us that if things are going badly, it is because He has caused them to be that way. I know this is not hugely popular to believe, but God wants us to know He is responsible for the bad or evil things that go on here on earth.
But let us now clarify what evil is.
As I mentioned evil and wickedness are not the same thing. Evil is something that is bad personally to you. For example, if my kids did something wrong, I would punish them. They would see the punishment as evil, because they did not like the punishment, but it was not necessarily sinful or wicked. If I beat them nearly to death, that would be wicked and evil.
When God punishes us we think of this as evil because we do not embrace His discipline as good for us. We think it is bad and therefore we see it as evil, even if it is for our benefit.
Wickedness and sin are a form of evil. The purpose of sin is to harm others (including God), either on purpose or accidentally. If I steal from someone this harms them, and thus it is wicked or sinful. Therefore it is evil to do these things. What we conclude then is that sin and wickedness are evil, but not all evil is wicked or sinful.
Saul was a selfish king who did not care about anyone but himself. He was a bad ruler and did many sinful things. The Lord brought an evil spirit on Saul so he could not have peace. God was punishing Saul; a punishment that he very much deserved. This was evil, but it was not sinful for the Lord to do this.
Just so we clarify this to its fullest, what I want you to see is that when Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree of good and evil, what happened is that they were able to reason for themselves as to what was good now and what was evil. Did mosquitoes and bees live in the Garden of Eden before they ate of the tree? Of course they did, and so did spiders, skunks, and flies. While they were in the garden mosquitoes bit them and sucked out their blood. Bees probably stung them. Skunks may have even sprayed them. But Adam and Eve did not care, because they did not see these things as bad. They did not see them as evil.
After they ate of the tree they were able to make their own reasoning and maybe they determined that mosquito bites were bad, or that skunk smelled awful. You see if you don’t know any better these things would not bother you, but if you have formulated in your mind that they are bad, then now they are evil to you.
Disasters such as people dying or losing their jobs are evil, because we see them through our eyes, and our eyes and minds say that these things are bad. But to God He has a plan that we are unable to see and He says that plan is good. I will talk more about this in a later chapter.
What I want to focus on for now is the fact that if things are going bad for you, you can be sure that God is the cause of them. As Isaiah puts it, He brings you prosperity and creates disaster, and He fully acknowledges that He is the One who brought all that.
This is why I don’t really see the reasoning behind these pastors and ministers who say it is wrong to be angry at God. God made all things happen!! He is responsible for your calamity, so why can’t you be mad at Him?
You see it is oftentimes through those tumultuous situations that we spend the most amount of time talking to God. We are upset at Him for what has gone on and we want answers. He is only too happy to provide us with answers if we truly are seeking. So He gives us the opportunity through the disaster to come to Him and seek His counsel.
What He is saying to you is quite simple: “I caused this. I fully admit I did. Now let’s talk about why I did and together we can understand each other more. I love you and this is what I want.”
Chapter 6
God Wants to Maintain the Dialog
Any good parent wants to keep the line of communication open between the parent and the child. When there is no communication, then problems are destined to occur and there will be an innumerable amount of misunderstandings. I am sure we all can agree on this.
Well God is our parent, our Father. He wants to keep the lines of communication between us and Him open as well. This is His goal and the desire of His heart.
Because God is so loving He is willing for us to come to Him even when we are angry and frustrated at Him directly, and so He is willing to endure our triads to keep the lines of communication open. He is just that amazing!!
In Matthew 11:28 Jesus told us:
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
The two major words of this verse are kapiazo, which is translated here as weary, and phortizo, which is translated as burdened. Both of these words are related to plowing fields. The King James version actually translates this verse a little more precisely. There we read:
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
The one who is laboring and heavy laden is the ox. In this case the word translated as heavy laden, phortizo, actually means to be overly burdened; to have more than one is usually able to handle or seems able to handle.
Well let’s be realistic about this for a moment. How do people react when things seem like they are more than they can bear? They get frustrated; they get angry; they get short with their patience; they get irritated easily. Very few are happy and joyful when they have too much to handle.
Let’s consider this situation using the language that Jesus uses. I am not a farmer and don’t know much about farming, but I have seen others farm, and see what happens when an animal has been burdened with too much to carry. In most cases the animal gets frustrated by their inability to pull its load and just quits. They don’t have the ability to tell the farmer that they need to remove some of the load, so they just stop.
I think of horses for example. I have seen in many movies that the horse is carrying a rider out in the desert, when finally it reaches a point where it cannot go on any further. It does not keep trying to endure. Instead it just quits, often times just falling down and just giving up. They don’t go any further once they have reached their end. They just stop working.
Now let’s go back to Jesus’ words for a moment. Jesus said when you are in a place where you are overburdened and frustrated, where you are just not going to go on any further, then come to Him. He did not say to come when you have removed the burden or feel happy about your circumstances. He said to come when you are feeling overburdened; when you are frustrated by the fact that life has brought you too much to handle. This means that when you have reached your absolute end and are the most frustrated you can be, Jesus wants you to come to Him more than ever.
In the next verse He tells us:
29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Jesus is saying to come to Him, because He is not prideful about your anger. He is not there saying to Himself, “How dare you would talk to me this way? I am God. I will teach you a lesson for talking to Me in this manner.” This is not Jesus’ response at all. In fact, it is quite the opposite.
For example, the word translated here as humble is tapeinos, which literally means to be beat down or to be really lowly. Now is God lowly? Of course He is not. He is the most amazing there has ever been, and His majesty is way beyond our imagination, but what Jesus is saying here is that He will cast Himself as One who is so low and insignificant that you can talk to Him in any way you want. He simply wants to make sure you are approaching Him, even if it is in anger.
Jesus even explains to us the benefit of coming to Him with these kinds of problems. Verse 30:
30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
If we are willing to approach Him, even in our anger, the result will be a removal of that overburdening. He will remove the burden of the challenges you are facing and help you to feel the weight of your frustration being lifted.
But let’s not build our whole theology on this issue around one section of verses. Hebrews 4:15-16 tells us:
15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Verse 15 tells us that we have a High Priest, Jesus, who has given us the power and authority to be able to approach God directly. That our High Priest understands our weaknesses, our frailties, our frustrations and anger. Now look at verse 16. He has given us authority to come right to God with our problems, burdens, and frustrations.
It is unfortunate that the NIV translators have chosen to translate the word parrhesia as confidence. The King James Version translates it as boldly and this is not even a good enough choice of word. Parrhesia means bluntness, publicity, frankness, freely. It means that you say something, not caring who’s around or with whom you are talking, with complete honesty and frankness of speech. In other words, you tell it just like it is.
Jesus has given us complete authority to be able to come to speak to the Father about our frustrations, without concern for what we say or how we say it. He did this because He wants us to be free and to feel free to speak to Him. He wants to know what we are thinking and to hear it directly from us.
Most importantly He wants that communication open. God is so humble that He is not going to get in His pride about the things we say or how we say them. After all when we approach Him and say things like, “God you let that person rape my daughter,” or “God you allowed my wife to die,” His answer is, “Yes I did,” because He knows He is responsible for all. He is the author of all things that have happened and will happen. So by coming to God in your anger and accusing Him of doing something that was evil to you, you are not saying anything He does not already know. He knows He was the One who caused your calamity.
But the wonderful thing is that God is the ultimate Customer Service Representative, manning the most wonderful complaint department there has ever been. He is working 24-hours a day, seven days a week to hear your complaints. He has open ears, is ready to give you His undivided attention, and is calm and humble enough to hear whatever you have to say, no matter what you have to say, and no matter how you are going to say it. Our High Priest is ready to hear it all at any time.
And look at the great way our High Priest handles our disrespect. He tells us that we can come to Him with our full bluntness and anger and tell Him all that we think and feel, and the “punishment” for doing this is we will find mercy and grace in our time of need. Wow, that is beyond belief.
I mean, shouldn’t God get mad and throw fire down on us? Shouldn’t He ignore us and tell us to go away until we have a better attitude? Or maybe He should tell us that we are stupid, and He is God and He knows all and we don’t know anything, so we should shut up!! But that is not what God does at all.
Instead when we come to Him, fire shooting from our tongues and hate in our words, He gives us grace and mercy. Isn’t that amazing? Jesus desires so much to have us talking to Him that He has totally set aside His own pride and “ego,” and is willing to grant us grace during our struggle. That is just beyond words.
Now I know that there are many out there who are saying this teaching is absolutely crazy. How could we approach God in this way and speak to Him in such a disrespectful manner? That is not reverent at all.
You know I totally agree with this thinking. It is not reverent. It is not respectful. It is not loving at all. But that is not the purpose with God. God is a humble and meek God who has chosen to put Himself in a lowly position to help us. He is willing to endure our vitriol of ridiculous, vile talk because He wants us talking to Him. He wants to hear from us.
You see by giving us this chance to come to Him and to say whatever we want, we are giving Him a chance to tell us what is going on, and to teach us what His plan is. If we do not approach Him then we will not listen and no communication will occur.
When I was in the army I remember that the Sergeant in the unit I was in assigned me to participate in five consecutive parades. This was supposed to be something that was rotated among the thirty people in my unit, but I got assigned five times in a row.
Needless to say, I was angry. Now he had all the power to assign anyone he wanted to these parades, but he had done things a different way to this point, and for him to change this way seemed very unfair to me. It was unjust to me, even if he was “sovereign” in this situation.
But let me reiterate for a moment. He had every right to do anything he wanted related to assigning people to parades. He was in charge and this was his complete discretion to assign who he wanted to go, even if he had done things a different way prior to this. He was in charge.
This may not seem like a big deal to you, but to be in these parades meant you had to use your off time to go and practice, and then to actually be in the parade, which usually occurred in mid-afternoon in the sweltering Georgia heat. I worked nights, and to wake up to practice at the time I was supposed to be sleeping was not only inconvenient; it was messing up my sleep. Then to stand out in the heat and listen to boring, monotonous speeches while my skin burned (the curse of being a red-head), and gnats buzzed all around me was just too much month after month.
So I went to the Sergeant, stormed into his office and gave him a piece of my mind. I told him how angry I was, how messed up this was, and how unfair he was to me. I did not directly insult him, but I insinuated it enough.
Now he could have punished me severely for my disrespectful words. This was the Army after all, and he outranked me, and I had no right to speak to him in this way. However, this is not what he did. He listened to me, and at the end he agreed that the assignment had not been fair and that he would give me some additional time off to compensate me for all the time I had to put into these parades.
What he had done was just model God. He not only listened to my rant and not reacted or punished me for it, but he had shown me grace and helped to fix my problem by giving me additional time off.
This is what God does for us. He hears our cries and frustrations, then He provides a solution to help us through the turmoil. He could punish us for our vile words, or for our lack of trust for that matter, but instead He shows a great deal of love for us, even in our anger.
We have a loving God who does not retaliate. He loves and wants us to love Him. He wants us talking to Him and building a stronger relationship with Him so we will one day understand why He does the things He does. At that point we will no longer be getting mad at Him, and will instead know that He has our best interests in mind.
These things only come by building a relationship. This is why He wants us to come to Him, even if we are overburdened and speak frankly and freely to Him about how we feel. If we do this then He has great rewards for us, and He will help us through our turmoil.
We must remember that even in our anger His most important message to us is “Come!”
Chapter 7
Inevitably God’s Way Is Right
The last stage of the grief process is to reach a point of acceptance. In the last chapters of this book we will focus on this stage quite extensively, because this has to be the goal for all of us.
We looked earlier in this book at pastors who were teaching that it is wrong to be mad at God, when actually the more precise point is that you cannot stay angry at God. Too many of us get to a point where we get angry at God, or someone else for that matter, and never move past this stage. This is not acceptable. At some point you must be willing to understand that God created the circumstance and there may be nothing you can do about it, however, you still love God and desire to serve Him.
The hardest challenge that anyone faces is the mortality of one’s life or the mortality of one’s children or spouse. These are circumstances that can be quite devastating and truthfully they are the reason that most people walk away from God. They just cannot see how God could cut short their lives or how He could take someone so dear to them away.
This is probably most true in relation to losing a spouse or child. I am sure that most people feel so helpless and powerless to change things, and they lash out at God because they know God has taken someone from them that they feel was absolutely essential to their lives. That powerlessness manifests into anger and the anger can be extremely overwhelming. It can totally consume a person’s life.
But overwhelming anger is not limited to losing someone close to you. All of us are capable of extreme fits of anger and frustration for many different reasons. I know people that are consumed by rage against God because they have lost their sight, their job, their marriage, their ability to walk, their physical good-looks, their house, and in one case a person lost her dog. I don’t imply with these words that these are trivial reasons to be upset. Each person’s feelings are their own, and they have the right to feel any way they want, thus all of these are valid reasons to be angry.
You have seen a personal tragedy occur in your life and you know that God is ultimately responsible for the situation, so you become angry at Him, but at some point you must reach a stage where you accept what God is doing, and see that He is doing it not only for His glory, but also for your personal good as well.
Now it is time for us to throw Romans 8:28 at you:
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
This will become our dominant theme for the remainder of this book, because it is essential in accepting the role of God in our lives. Your dog was killed by a car, you have cancer, your son died, your wife left you, your lost your job, you are homeless, or you are unable to walk; do you know God did this because it is for your own good? Seriously, this is why He did it.
All of these seem like tragic events, and they are, and they are good reasons to be angry, but they were done because God wanted you to be better than you are. He wanted more for you than what you were before that tragedy.
I had a very close friend by the name of Gary. He was more than a friend to be honest. He was my spiritual mentor for the first three years I was a Christian, and I learned so much from him. He did a great deal to guide me and inspire me to walk the way God wanted me to walk. I spent a lot of time praying with Gary and studying. He modeled Christ so well, and he was my confidant on many issues.
In August of 2001 Gary went out to play softball and while he was stretching he had a heart attack and died. He was 42 years-old. I was crushed and thought it was very unfair. Here was the man who was showing me how to walk for Christ and he was gone. What to do now?
I thought I was going to become a rudderless ship. I had no mentor and I felt that I did not have what it took to move on and serve God well. Boy, was I ever wrong.
Before I continue this story I want to be perfectly clear that I loved Gary very much, and he was an amazing man of God. He was knowledgeable and incredibly wise, and he was filled with God’s Spirit. His legacy is still something I try to live by in my own life.
I say this because it was for my own good that Gary died. That may seem like a harsh thing to say, but it was time for me to step out of the shadow of Gary and grow beyond where he was teaching me.
What makes this statement so interesting to me is that the person who has influenced me more than anyone is Dr. Stephen Jones of God’s Kingdom Ministries. Stephen is the wisest, most knowledgeable person I ever met, and in 2001 my friend Freddie had tried to introduce me to Dr. Jones’ writings, but Gary influenced me to not read or accept them. He had convinced me that Stephen was wrong. But it was not Stephen who was wrong.
A year after Gary died Freddie’s wife introduced me to Stephen, and I found that my knowledge and understanding of the Bible began to grow exponentially by the day as I learned from Dr. Jones. A “road block” had been removed so that I could grow and learn in this way.
I still miss my friend very much, and wish that he was here with me to talk and laugh with, but I also accept now that God’s plan was better than what I wanted. He needed me to grow and move to a point where I was able to truly learn and teach the right way.
The point I had to come to was understanding that no matter how much I may not have disliked God’s way of doing things, He is always right! He knows the outcome of all things, because He is God and our God knows all, including the future. Therefore when He chooses a course of action for our lives you can be sure that He sees that in the end it is incredibly good for us.
This is one of the hardest things for us as Christians to get hold of. We want to intervene our little ideas and thinking into a situation, and then we conclude that we have a better way to solve a problem than God does. Now that is pride to assume we know more than God. That is when I say that your anger has gone overboard, when you are obsessed with the idea that you will always know more than God.
Acceptance means coming to a place where you understand that inevitably God’s way is right. This may mean that you simply have a V-8 moment where you tap yourself on the forehead and say to yourself, “Wow, now I see why He did that,” or it may mean that you have to be scolded by God to understand. But at some point if you open yourself to God He will show you why He has chosen to do what He did.
We spoke about Job and how he became angry at God and demanded to be brought before the Lord to make a case for why God was being unjust. After a lengthy debate between Job and his friends, God finally answers Job as to the accusations he has made against God. This goes on for a few chapters, but I want to focus on Job 40:8-14:
8 “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself? 9 Do you have an arm like God’s, and can your voice thunder like his? 10 Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty. 11 Unleash the fury of your wrath, look at all who are proud and bring them low, 12 look at all who are proud and humble them, crush the wicked where they stand. 13 Bury them all in the dust together; shroud their faces in the grave. 14 Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you.
Job has challenged God, contending that he knows better than God. God asks Job a series of questions that begin with these ones I have shown above. Is God’s justice wrong? Do we say God is wrong so that we can say we are right? Can our voice make the world tremble? Can we unleash wrath on all of the world? Can we save ourselves?
The answer to all of these questions is no. If God has chosen a path then there is nothing we can do to correct that, and to act like somehow we know better than God is wrong. He knows all. His justice is always right. Let Him always be true, and we always a liar in comparison. That is the acceptance we must come to, knowing that the choice He has made for us is for our own good.
But I know many of you will read this and say that there is no way that God could have taken the situation you were in and made good out of it. There is just no way. Let me show you an example that if you look back on it now you can see God’s good in it.
During World War II the Nazis killed over two million Jews. I know some say six million and some say even as small as a few hundred-thousand. The number is probably most accurate at about two million, however, whatever the number is, it is a ridiculous loss of life.
The Nazis committed deplorable atrocities against the Jews. It was not just the massive extermination of so many, but the deplorable conditions they were forced to live in, the fear that the Nazis instilled, the humiliation, the stealing, the complete disregard for human dignity.
But let us be truthful about this. Prior to the Nazis coming along there was a great deal of discrimination against Jews throughout Europe. Much of it was institutional discrimination supported by laws and governments. Jews were treated poorly in Europe long before Hitler came along; for almost two thousand years to be quite frank.
When World War II ended, millions of Jews had lost their entire families, had no possessions, were malnourished, had no homes, nowhere to go, and were generally completely disillusioned about the whole world. Most were quite angry, and most of that anger was directed at God. In fact, a group of Jews held a trial after the war where they tried God as a criminal for letting them be tortured and killed in this way, and they found God guilty of crimes against humanity. I would say that is quite a bit of anger.
But it is also a condemnation on God’s justice and plan. They were in essence saying that God’s plan was unfair and unjust. They condemned God as a murderer and law breaker.
I am sure that many Jews in those days could not possibly believe for one second that all things work for good for those who love God. I mean how can the extermination of so many, and the attempt to obliterate the entire race be seen as a good thing in any way? There is no way!!
But there is.
For hundreds of years Jews had wandered Europe as social lepers. No one liked most of them, and the government entities treated them horribly. This was no more true than in the Catholic Church.
In Rev. John T. Pawlikowski’s article entitled “Persecution of Jews Over the Centuries” he writes:
In the second century and beyond, many of the principal Fathers of the Church began to write of Jews as a "rejected people" who were doomed to a life of marginality and misery. Jews were to wander the world as a "despised people." This image persisted in Christian preaching, art and popular teaching for centuries to come. In certain countries it often led to civil and political discrimination against Jews and in some instances to physical attacks on Jews which resulted in death. While some Popes, bishops and Christian princes stepped up to protect Jews, they were clearly a minority. It was only in the mid-twentieth century that the Catholic Church and many Protestant denominations issued major statements repudiating this anti-Judaic theology and began a process of constructive Christian-Jewish interaction.
The level of discrimination and hysteria related to Jews was absolutely crazy at times. When Bubonic Plague hit Europe in the 14th century, killing nearly half of the population, Jews were blamed for this. An idea surfaced that a Jew had poisoned the water in Venice and this had led to the Plague occurring.
In The Confession of Agimet of Geneva, Châtel, October 20, 1348 we read:
Agimet the Jew, who lived at Geneva and was arrested at Châtel, was there put to the torture a little and then he was released from it. And after a long time, having been subjected again to torture a little, he confessed in the presence of a great many trustworthy persons, who are later mentioned. To begin with it is clear that at the Lent just passed Pultus Clesis de Ranz had sent this very Jew to Venice to buy silks and other things for him. When this came to the notice of Rabbi Peyret, a Jew of Chamb6ry who was a teacher of their law, he sent for this Agimet, for whom he had searched, and when he had come before him he said: "We have been informed that you are going to Venice to buy silk and other wares. Here I am giving you a little package of half a span in size which contains some prepared poison and venom in a thin, sewed leather-bag. Distribute it among the wells, cisterns, and springs about Venice and the other places to which you go, in order to poison the people who use the water of the aforesaid wells that will have been poisoned by you, namely, the wells in which the poison will have been placed."
Agimet took this package full of poison and carried it with him to Venice, and when he came there he threw and scattered a portion of it into the well or cistern of fresh water which was there near the German House, in order to poison the people who use the water of that cistern. And he says that this is the only cistern of sweet water in the city. He also says that the mentioned Rabbi Peyret promised to give him whatever he wanted for his troubles in this business. Of his own accord Agimet confessed further that after this had been done he left at once in order that he should not be captured by the citizens or others, and that he went personally to Calabria and Apulia and threw the above mentioned poison into many wells. He confesses also that he put some of this same poison in the well of the streets of the city of Ballet.
He confesses further that he put some of this poison into the public fountain of the city of Toulouse and in the wells that are near the [Mediterranean] sea. Asked if at the time that he scattered the venom and poisoned the wells, above mentioned, any people had died, he said that he did not know inasmuch as he had left everyone of the above mentioned places in a hurry. Asked if any of the Jews of those places were guilty in the above mentioned matter, he answered that he did not know. And now by all that which is contained in the five books of Moses and the scroll of the Jews, he declared that this was true, and that he was in no wise lying, no matter what might happen to him.
This poor man was tortured until he confessed to causing a plague he could not possibly have had anything to do with. His only crime was being a Jew, and this is why he was singled out.
I bring this up because I want you to see that for almost two thousand years it was very hard to be a Jew in Europe.
One of the greatest challenges for them was the fact that they had no “homeland.” Israel was occupied by British forces and Palestinian Arabs, and not many other countries were opening their doors for Jews to emigrate there.
But after the war things were much different. There was a world-wide outcry to help these poor people that had been treated so poorly. The loss of life and the unspeakable conditions changed the world’s opinion in favor of a group of people that for many hundreds of years everyone openly discriminated against. This led to a future homeland for them, massive support from nations like the United States and Great Britain, and an attitude of welcoming among many nations. The Holocaust changed things for Jews for the better, which still remains today.
Those Jews who brought God on trial and found Him guilty could not possibly think that God could make something good come from such a horrific event, but He did, and He did because He is God!
But we do not have to look at events like this to see how God makes all things good. For three years the Disciples followed Jesus waiting for Him to make a kingdom on earth. They were thrilled and felt extremely important to have been chosen by Him. But then He is tortured and killed. Do you think they were seeing the good in this circumstance? For sure not. In fact, they were terrified and hid.
Then He is raised from the dead, the Holy Spirit comes upon them, and before you know it they are out boldly proclaiming Jesus to all they encounter, even when they know that persecution is coming their way if they continue to preach. Were they able to see the good in Jesus dying at this point? You bet they were.
What this shows us is that nothing looks good when you are in the middle of the calamity. No one likes to suffer and endure hardship, and so when we are in this circumstance we become overwhelmed. We become angry.
But we must come to a place where we realize that God does know what He is doing, and that if He has chosen a path for us then this path is really for our own good, or at the very least, for the good of those we love.
I don’t care what your circumstance is; it is highly unlikely that you have undergone anything as bad as what many millions of Jews endured. If we can now see the good in such an abomination, then you can be sure that good can be found in the loss of your job, the ending of your marriage, the death of your child, the destruction of your home, or the theft of your property. It is time to start trusting God and knowing that He does really know what He is doing.
It is time to accept His wisdom and plan.
Keep in mind the words of the Prophet Isaiah. He says in Isaiah 55:8-9:
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Let’s understand that God’s way of thinking is so far above ours that it is beyond comprehension. When we are in one of our tirades where we think God has done us wrong, we need to consider that God thinks way more intelligently and wise than we do. He is so far advanced than our little brains that we cannot even begin to comprehend things as He does.
This should tell us that we can have confidence in what He does and thinks because He is so much wiser than we are. His plans are absolutely amazing and we can have trust in this.
Before I end this chapter, however, there is one last point that I want to make. It concerns one of the questions that God asked Job. It is something that I know He is asking me all the time. Do I say God is wrong so that I can justify that I am right?
We live in a society that is so quick to support ideas that are in complete contrast to what the Bible teaches. Homosexual marriage, illegal drug usage, discrimination and hatred, murder, and governmental theft are widely accepted as part of society or as “progress.” These institutional violations of God’s way then seem to give us permission to feel that we too can disregard what God is doing in favor of accepting our own way of doing things.
I once knew a group of men in prison who were concerned about the actions of another. They were not sure what to do about getting him to curb his behavior so they decided that they would confront him, even threaten him, to get him to stop acting as he was. Clearly threatening another is not a Biblical idea and it is not sanctioned by God.
Someone suggested to the men that they should seek God’s counsel and wait on Him to give them direction. One of the men responded to this suggestion, “God may take too long and we can’t wait.” Wow, God may take too long? In other words, God’s way is wrong so that their way must be right. So they should go and threaten to hurt another because they cannot wait on God’s correct answer to the problem.
This has been the trouble with mankind since the start. Adam and Eve ate of the tree because God’s way seemed wrong and eating from it seemed right. Abel killed Cain because God’s commandment against murder was wrong and pride and envy seemed right. The Israelite people built a golden calf because waiting for Moses to return from speaking to God seemed wrong and worshipping a big piece of gold seemed right.
The list goes on and on. The Bible is filled with stories of how God had one idea for people, but in their pride, anger, ignorance, or stupidity they chose another option that seemed much more right than God’s plan.
Inevitably we must understand that God’s way is right. He is omniscient and omnipotent, and even if we decide to ignore Him, things are going to be the way He chooses. He will always win out.
I wanted to close this chapter in this way, because some things that God does may seem absolutely horrible as choices. I know I do not see great blessing in watching people killed by tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, and wars, but God has a plan and His plan is ultimately in the best interests of all. He knows what He is doing because He is the author of all that is good.
We must have confidence and trust in Him, and believe, as part of acceptance, that God is only going to do that which is good for us. He swears that all is for good for those who trust Him, so we need to trust in that. It is the loving thing to do.
Chapter 8
Anger Must Be Replaced by Forgiveness
So you think God did you wrong. You have examined the outcome from all possible angles and have concluded that no matter what, God has done wrong, and it is unjust what He has done. That leaves you with one option…forgive.
You may not like what God has done, and I am sure that you don’t. I, too, don’t like some of the options that God has chosen for me, even when I saw the benefits of His choices. They may still even feel and look unjust, and if this is how you feel then it is time to do like God did for all of us.
Consider your own life. How many things have you done that you were sure were perfectly righteous and correct to do, but when you really examine it now you can see that they were wrong and/or sinful? If you are honest with yourself I am sure you can find many.
But look at God’s response to your choices. He didn’t continue to harbor hard feelings or anger at you. He may have been mad when you did these things, but inevitably He showed you an incredible amount of grace, and forgave you for the wrongs you had done. This is what we must do as well.
Too often we choose bitterness as our choice of action. We think that God has betrayed us and therefore there is no reason to forgive Him, much less continue our relationship with Him. So we abandon our God in favor of other gods.
I could have just as easily put this in the last chapter, but I decided that here was a good place to explain why we become so bitter against God.
Dr. Jones once said to me that he believes that half the world is angry at God and the other half doesn’t really know God. It was an interesting statement to me because I always wondered which group I fit into. Was I not angry at God because I really didn’t understand Him and what He might do to me, or was I mad at times, because I really did get who God is and what He is all about? It is still a question that perplexes me at times.
I think I started out this book answering this question for real. I am mad at God, and it is because I truly understand that at times He will make my life a mess, and it is for my own good. How does this seem to work? To answer we have to spend a little time looking at the Bible.
We have talked about the story of Job and examined his anger at God, and how inevitably he came to accept God and what He was doing. But in between there was some very serious bitterness.
Job, like many Christians today, was bitter because he felt he was being treated unfairly by God. He concluded that God allowed all this to go on, and it was not fair that He had done this. To be honest, he was quite prideful.
Job did not understand that there was good in what God was doing. He was trying to bring to the surface the pride that was living in Job. You see many of us, especially a lot of us who think we are really great Christians, get very prideful when things do not go our way. We think that we deserve better because we are so good to God. We love Him so much and serve Him so well that He should never bring calamity on us. When He does we lash out, because our pride has convinced us that we deserve better. This is what happened to Job. Job, we are told, is a very righteous man, and so he figured that he should not be treated by God in this way.
Now let us understand that Job has a reason to be mad. He had lost his children, his crops and animals, and his means to survive, all at one time. He had every reason to be upset. Anyone of us would be. But as he processed through his tragedies, you can see that his pride started to take over. He had been a great and righteous man, and thus God had no right to treat him in this way. This is what God was trying to draw to the surface.
If you look at it closely, you can see that the book of Job is really a book about how bitterness and anger comes into our lives, and how God tries to root it out. Realistically, you can be sure that in your lifetime you will be accused of doing lots of different things wrong. Some of those accusations may be true and some may not be true, but when we are accused of doing things our natural reaction is to become angry and defensive. This is even true when God accuses us. What makes God’s accusations different is that they are always true, but it seems that most often we are unwilling to listen to them. It is very interesting to be honest. Why we take the word of men over God I don’t get, but we do it quite a bit.
Job’s assumption was that God had wronged him somehow. What is tragic for him is that he did not approach God with his anger. He talked about how God had wronged him to his friends, but he did not go to God and seek counsel on what was going on. This is a common theme throughout the Bible. People get angry at what God is doing, but they tell everyone but God about their anger.
After God had miraculously brought the people of Israel out of Egypt, they came to Marah, where the water was too bitter for them to drink. The name Marah not only had to do with the taste of the water, but also with the state of the Israelite people’s hearts. God needed to remove this pride and He had a plan to do so.
In Exodus 15:24 we are told:
24 So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?”
The people could have gone directly to God and asked Him what was going on. After all, He had all the answers as to how they were to find drinkable water, but instead they became bitter and complained to Moses.
Now let’s keep this in context for a moment. These people within about thirty days had seen God bring ten amazing plagues, part the Red Sea, and bring the mighty Egyptian army to its knees, yet they are here in this place doubting God’s ability to give them water. It is a very interesting commentary on how quickly we forget the amazing work of God.
But I also understand that water is essential for living, and so if you think you will not have water it is quite likely that you will get angry, and the One you will blame is God. I would probably be angry and bitter at that point as well. You had something before (they had water in Egypt), and now you don’t have it. You will probably get upset.
Remember I said earlier that God promises us that if we come to Him in our anger and seek Him, He will provide a way for us to overcome the challenge (Matthew 11:30). God provided a solution for the Israelites as well. Exodus 15:25:
25 Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became fit to drink.
A piece of wood was the solution to the problem, as it is with so many of our own problems. That piece of wood is for us, of course, the cross that Jesus died on. The solution to our problems comes from approaching Jesus and asking His help in our struggles. They were to throw the wood into the water and the bitterness would be removed. We are to bring Jesus’ sacrifice into the waters of our own bitterness and we too will find sweet things in our lives again.
Remember earlier in the book when we read how David became angry at God, because he did not understand how God would do great things for others but not for him, or how he was angry at the “wicked” being so blessed while he was suffering. He is not the only one who felt this way. Jeremiah 15:16,18:
16 When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, LORD God Almighty….18 Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? You are to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails.
“I serve you so well God, why do you let me suffer so?”
Boy Jeremiah sure sounds a lot like me at times. He is angry and bitter, and does not see that to truly be a great prophet, God must root out some of this pride and arrogance in him. This is arrogance. “I did nothing but delight in You, Lord, but now you have abandoned me. I deserve better.” This what he is saying.
Now I am not criticizing Jeremiah, or anyone else in the Bible for that matter. I wish I had one-tenth the faith that these men had. I am simply pointing out that they could only see the burden they were enduring, and because of this they were unwilling to do the one thing that they should have thought about doing from the start – forgive.
So why did they not forgive God? Why could they not find it in their hearts to say that they would not hold bitterness toward the Lord? The reason is because their pride got in the way.
You see, they were so sure that they deserved something much better, and when that did not come all they had for God was anger. This blocked them from doing the right thing, which was to forgive.
Now, some may say that forgiving God is not necessary. He is always right and His decisions are always righteous, so why would He need to be forgiven? I must admit that they have a point. But this does not mean that we always see it this way. We may know God does all things for good, but that does not mean that we always accept that. It should mean that we always trust in what He is doing. However, it may also mean that we don’t believe He is doing the right thing at times. At that point, doesn’t He deserve our forgiveness, just as He forgives us?
I go back to the example I gave in the last chapter of the men who were going to threaten the other man into acting more appropriately. These men were convinced that what they were doing was right. There was no doubt in their minds. But was it right? No way. Threatening another is not loving and it is not permissible by God’s standard, even if they thought it was acceptable.
They needed God’s forgiveness for the choice they were making, even if they truly believed that choice was right. It was wrong, however they believed it right, and they truly thought they were serving God in the best way possible. To them God would make the wrong decision in making them wait.
God does things at times that seem dead wrong to us. For the moment, let’s ignore the fact that He is always right. It doesn’t always feel like the choice He is making is the best. How could being homeless be for good? How could being gang raped be for good? How could gossip that leads to suicide be for good? To me it seems unthinkable at times, so what does God need from me? Forgiveness. He needs me to say, “Lord I don’t understand why you are doing this, and I don’t like what you are doing, but you are God, and I trust you, and I hold no anger or animosity toward you.”
You see forgiveness does not have to be because someone did something wrong or unlawful. Forgiveness is a removal of any barrier that can cause a breach in your relationship with God. To say you hold no anger or frustration against God, that you are removing your bitterness, is all the forgiveness that is needed. This keeps your relationship with God moving forward and keeps the lines of communication open between you and Him.
Let’s look at the definition of forgive for a moment:
- to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; pardon
- to give up all claim to punish or exact penalty for (an offense); overlook
- to cancel or remit (a debt)
These three additional definitions are also given:
- To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
- To renounce anger or resentment against.
- To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).
Well doesn’t this fit in perfectly with what we are saying here? By forgiving God you are canceling any claim you have to be angry; you are removing the barrier by freeing Him from any wrong you have concluded He has done.
And look at the second definition in the second set. By forgiving God you are doing the most important thing – you are renouncing your anger and resentment toward Him. Wow, that should absolutely remove any barrier between you and Him. After all, isn’t your resentment of the choice He has made the reason there is a barrier between you and Him in the first place? I mean, He did not walk away from you. You chose to be angry and ignore Him. By giving up that resentment you are opening the door to communication beginning again.
Do a lot of us need to forgive God? You bet we do, and the reason that most of us have not is because we are caught in our pride and are refusing to do so. This is not acceptable and it is not worth it. You have a chance to make your relationship right with God, take it.
Keep in mind that He has humbled Himself to the point of letting you curse and speak hatefully to Him, just so that you would come to tell Him how angry you are. He has provided a solution to the problem, and has loved and embraced you more than anyone will ever do. He has adored you and wanted you close to Him. Doesn’t that deserve you turning the other cheek? Isn’t it time that you stopped being angry and chose to let go of your bitterness and embrace our amazing Dad?
You make the choice.
Chapter 9
Becoming Truly Grounded
In Philippians 4:13 Paul writes:
13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
This is one of the most misunderstood verses in the Bible. John Calvin writes of this verse:
“…but it is in Christ, not by my own power, for it is Christ that supplies me with strength.” Hence we infer, that Christ will not be less strong and invincible in us also, if, conscious of our own weakness, we place reliance upon his power alone. When he says all things, he means merely those things which belong to his calling.
Matthew Henry writes in his commentary on the Bible:
We have need of strength from Christ, to enable us to perform not only those duties which are purely Christian, but even those which are the fruit of moral virtue. We need his strength to teach us to be content in every condition. The apostle had seemed to boast of himself, and of his own strength: I know how to be abased (Philippians 4:12); but here he transfers all the praise to Christ.
It is interesting to read these explanations because both these men, men who are well respected as Bible scholars I might add, have given interpretations of the same verse and they are not identical in their understanding. Calvin speaks about how this verse is telling us that Christ is giving us the strength to do the things that He asks us to do. He is saying that without Christ we cannot meet the calling He has placed upon our lives. While I agree this is true, this is not what is being said in this particular verse.
Matthew Henry on the other hand states that Christ gives us the strength to be content no matter what is going on. That when things are good or bad we can still find peace. He tells us that Christ provides the strength for us to be content in all these circumstances, even when we have to weather horrific storms in our lives.
While both provide great insights into this verse, only one of them is right however.
For years I have listened to pastors and ministers explain that these verses are giving us some supernatural ability to overcome any obstacle in our way. I can eat poison and live. I can jump off buildings and survive. I can will cancer out of my body. I can defeat any enemy. Because Christ has strengthened me, I can do anything I put my spirit to.
These are great words, but not even remotely what this verse is teaching, and they are not even true for that matter. While some beat cancer and live long prosperous lives afterwards, many millions of others die. Many go into battle with enemies and get killed. Millions drink poison and die. Everyone who jumps off of a twenty story building onto the concrete below (with no form of parachute) dies.
This verse is not about being able to overcome or do anything in Jesus’ Name and have success. Instead it is about being content no matter what the circumstances are. It is about reaching a point where you can see God’s hand in all things and not become too high or too low in your emotions about it.
To understand this more fully let’s look at the three preceding verses to it.
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Paul says here that whether he has food or not, or he has many possessions or not, or he has good times or bad, he is content in all that he has. In other words, the circumstances around him do not determine how he is approaching life. He is balanced.
Too many of us ride the waves of life, so that when things go great we think life is the most wonderful thing ever, and when things go bad we want to die. This means that oftentimes problems have defeated us before we have even had a chance to engage them, because all we can see is the effects of the problem.
This will inevitably mean that when things go wrong you will be beating at God’s door yelling at Him about what a jerk He is for letting you suffer. What is quite ironic about this is even in circumstances that we create ourselves we are still yelling at God for our turmoil.
It reminds me of when I was running marathons. Five or six times a year I would go someplace in the United States to run a marathon. This went on for four years. The same thing happened in every one I ran. I always started out great, feeling good, and ready for a nice day of running 26.2 miles. By mile 13 I was excited to be halfway done, and was ready to blast out the last half of the race. However, by like mile 17 my legs really hurt, my feet were beyond painful, I was tired, thirsty, and needing something to keep me going. This is when the begging began.
I would be at God’s door begging Him to help me to go one more mile, one more step, to get me there. I made a choice to run these long races, yet inevitably the One I always went to so that I could get through these races was God. But I did not approach Him when I was doing well in the runs. He was nowhere in my mind in mile two or five or ten. He only appeared when I really needed His help.
This is how we are about our tragedies a lot of times. We ignore God while we are cruising through life’s race, but then when things start to go bad we are quick to run to God with how angry we are. While I understand He is responsible for the calamity you are facing, He is also the One who was blessing you through your joys. Where were you then?
Were you content with much? Were you balanced when you had a lot of things going your way? Were you loving God then and spending a lot of time with Him at that point? If not, then why are you approaching Him only when things are bad? Where were you in the good times?
Now ask yourself a question. If you only come to God when things are bad, and God wants to have a relationship with you where you and Him are always talking, how do you think He will make your circumstances? If you only talk to Him when things are bad, you can bet He will make them bad a lot! Doesn’t that make sense?
That is not fair? To God it is. He wants your attention, your time, your words, so He is going to create circumstances where He gets those things.
Paul is telling us that we need to reach a point of being balanced in our relationship with God. We need to keep God in our hearts and make our relationship a priority with Him in all circumstances. When we do this, when God is a permanent fixture in our daily lives, then anger will be more likely to disappear and we will begin to trust in the things He is doing.
In Philippians 4:13 the word that is translated as “can do” is ischuo, which means to prevail, to be whole. Paul is telling us that we can be ok, whole, not defeated, in all circumstances that come our way, because Jesus has given us the ability to do this. He has given us the ability to see that all things work for good, and to trust that God’s plan is inevitably the best and most perfect plan available.
Balance is the key. You cannot truly reach a point of trusting God and drawing on His strength if you are not balanced. So the question then becomes, how do I get balance in my life?
Well that is a great question to ask. The answer is quite simple – spend time with God.
I want you to see the wonderful cycle that God creates here. God creates calamity in your life so that you will come to Him and complain about your frustrations. You go to God, and tell Him how angry you are, and how upset you are at what He is doing. Eventually you accept His will, and see the amazing things that He does for your benefit. A month later an even greater tragedy happens. You are mad and struggling, so you go to God and yell at Him so more. He comforts you and guides you, and soon you accept this as well, and see His glory and good in it, and you learn to trust more.
This continues on for some time, but the difference is that with each passing calamity you spend more time with Him between challenges. Your relationship strengthens and you learn to have more confidence and trust in Him.
After some time, a tragedy comes your way, but this time instead of getting all irate and hateful toward God, you stay balanced and ask yourself what God may be doing for your good. You may be mad and frustrated, but you also understand that God will do something out of this that will be a blessing to you, so you come to Him and say, “God I don’t like this, and it makes me mad, but I know you have a plan here, and I am going to trust that plan.” There can be balance even in anger.
Paul is telling us that we can prevail through any circumstance. This does not mean that we will defeat all that comes our way. Like I said, people die of cancer, they lose in battle, and they die when they fall. Others lose their jobs and go homeless, or become paralyzed from a terrible accident, and are never able to walk again. God is not going to have you defeat all enemies and afflictions that come your way. Instead, God takes you through things and helps you to become stronger, more resilient, more Christ-centered. Survival through any event makes you available to come close to God, and this is the objective.
I do understand that it is hard to become balanced about everything that will come your way, and to be honest God knows this too. He knows you get upset and feel defeated by challenges that may come. He is ready for when those events occur, and He understands them.
All He is asking is for you to keep coming to Him when they happen, so that your relationship can become stronger, and one day there will be a good chance that you will reach a place of being balanced in all circumstances. You will start to see the blessings in all things, and you will rely on Him more and more.
This is a relationship with God. He is your Father, and as any parent He wants you to mature and be an “adult” Christian who can endure all that comes your way; to become a person who can prevail through all challenges, because you know that Christ is with you and He is helping you through the challenge.
Know that if you draw close to Him, you will find balance in a growing number of circumstances. So keep coming closer.
Chapter 10
Reaching Maturity In Love
We have come quite a way in this small little booklet. We have learned that it is perfectly acceptable to be angry at God, and that He not only allows it, He actually embraces it. He wants to talk with you so much that He will endure your horrific language, your vulgarity-laced tirades, just for the opportunity to speak with you. He loves you that much.
We also learned that He is so humble that He does not care about the stupid and obnoxious things you are saying. He is willing to look past your rudeness and inconsideration, because all He wants is you in His life and Him in yours.
We came to see that at some point we must move past anger however, and understand that God is doing things that are really in our interests. We saw that acceptance of things is the goal, and that at some point in our journey we must decide that things are just not worth remaining angry about.
We saw that God wants our acceptance as well. He wants to know that He can do things and we are going to understand and accept His choices. He wants to see that we love Him so much; that we trust in Him, and know He is doing things for us; for our benefit.
We close this at the most important part of this whole journey. It is all about our relationship with Him.
For those of you who have been in any kind of relationship for a long period of time, I am sure you can attest to the fact that for any relationship to succeed it requires a great deal of love, grace, and mercy. I do not care if you are talking about husband and wife, siblings, friends, parent and child, or even neighbors; if that relationship will succeed it means that love, grace, and mercy must be the foundation upon which that relationship is built.
All of these things are required because we are human beings and we do things that are going to annoy each other. If our relationships are going to progress and remain solid then we must have love, grace, and mercy with each other.
I want you to think about a relationship you have had for a long time. Haven’t there been times where the other person has really angered and irritated you. Maybe you have even walked away from each other, because you were so angry at what had happened. Maybe for some duration of time you were no longer talking to each other, but at some point you loved each other enough to put aside your anger and to move forward.
I see this kind of thing happen all the time. It has happened in my own relationships. I know there have been times when I have been really angry at what my wife has done, and for a few hours, maybe even a day, we simply did not talk to each other. But at some point we realized that our love for each other, and our relationship was much more important than being angry, so we set that aside and opened ourselves up to each other.
You may even find that at times you have decided to forgive the other person or put aside the situation and move on, with it never really being resolved. No one really admitted they were wrong. No remedy was created to make sure it would not happen again. You simply decided it was not worth it to be mad at each other anymore.
As your relationship has progressed there may even be cases where your friend, spouse, or sibling still did the same things that made you crazy before, but you have concluded it is not even worth being upset about anymore. You have become balanced in your relationship, choosing to want peace and love to be the dominant part of your bond.
Relationships change through time, especially the ones that are extremely close. Part of building a close relationship with them is embracing their “faults” and learning to not only accept them, but to actually come to love them.
There is something I love to say to my wife. When she tells me that she is too short, or her legs aren’t perfect, or whatever thing she thinks are imperfections, I tell her that it is easy to love how beautiful she looks, and her compassionate heart, and her wisdom and intellect. But what I love about her are all those things that she thinks are faults. I think her petiteness is beautiful, and her legs are gorgeous, and all the other little things she thinks are wrong, are things that I totally adore about her. They are what make her unique and what makes me even crazier about her.
It is easy to love God when things are well. It is easy to tell Him how amazing He is when your job is great, your home life is going perfect, your kids are doing well in school, you have great respect in your community, and your health is good. But are you loving God in the “fault” and “imperfect” times? Does He get your love when you think He is not loving you properly; when you feel that His flaws are showing?
This is true love. This is what God inevitably wants from us.
Yes we will get mad at Him. We will find ourselves wanting to get away from Him at times. That is perfectly ok to want this, but I want you to understand that there is no need to do this at all. God understands your anger and is ready to embrace it and help you through it.
You see part of the reason we must separate from others when we are mad is because we will say something we will later come to regret. Our anger causes us to say crazy things and to lash out in a way that is hurtful. For humans these words that are said in anger remain.
It is like the parable I heard one time. This boy would get really angry and say horrific things to his parents when he would get mad. The father wanted him to find a different way to channel his anger and to show him how the horrible things he would say affected the father and the boy’s mother.
One day when the boy was angry he took him out to the fence and he told him to hammer a nail into the fence every time he got mad. In no time the boy had ten nails in the fence. Day after day when he got angry he would rush outside to hammer in a new nail.
After a month the father took his son outside and asked him to remove all the nails from the fence. There were nearly two hundred, and after he was done there were lots of holes to mark the places where he had released his anger.
The father then told his son to look at the fence. “Look,” he said. “Each time you became angry in this way you scarred our fence. Our fence is not the same and there is a mark that is left because of what you have done in your anger. You see when you get angry at your mother or I and say hurtful things, you put a nail in us as well. You leave a scar on our hearts because we are hurt by the things you say. We are scarred.”
When we lash out at others this is what we do. We leave little scars around that sometimes cannot be wiped clean. Telling someone that you hate them or that you wish they would die leaves long-lasting scars. These things hurt and hinder relationships. They create barriers because the other person’s pride is hurt by what has been said.
But this is not the case with God. He hears your harsh words and your hateful speech, but He is ready to put it aside and forgive you, because He loves you so much, and just wants to talk to you.
He said through the prophet Isaiah in chapter 1, verse 18:
18 “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
Despite all the crazy things we do, and all the stupid things we say to God, especially in our anger, He is saying to us to come to Him, and let’s resolve issues of contention together. He wants that relationship with you, where He can listen to you and you can hear what He has to say, and despite your hateful and harmful words, He will wipe them as pure as snow. You are forgiven like your harmful words never occurred.
He later says in Isaiah 43:25:
25 “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.
He has heard our tirades and our horrific speech and has chosen to wipe them clean. Our humble God has chosen to not hold them against us, to not be scarred by them, but to instead forgive and just love us. What an amazing God He is.
Earlier in this chapter I mentioned that sometimes you simply look beyond the transgressions of those you love and just love them even when they do things that bother you. You have concluded that peace in your relationship is more important than getting mad over the way they make fun of the way you bat or criticize how your house looks. These may be insulting and make you angry, but they are trivial in relation to things that really matter.
Doesn’t God deserve this same kind of pass? Maybe it is time that we show God the same kind of grace and love that we show toward others in regards to the things that annoy us, but just aren’t significant enough to get all worked up about. You didn’t get the promotion you wanted or your investment went sour and you lost lots of money. Is this reason enough to continue to remain angry at God? Is this worth it?
The fact of the matter is that we forgive others so much more easily than we are willing to forgive God. To be honest, that is not fair. It is not treating God as you would treat others, and it makes me wonder how we can judge His actions as unfair when ours are truly unjust and unequal. He deserves compassion and mercy from us as well, and it is time that we start giving it to Him.
My questions for you as we close this teaching are: Are you ready to love God in this way? Can you set aside your anger, the frustration you feel for God for not treating you justly and fairly? For not treating you as you feel you deserve to be treated? Are you ready to set aside your pride and love God, knowing all He does is for our good?
You see we say a lot of great words about God. We say things that make it sound like we love and trust Him, but are you ready to actually put those things into action. Are you ready to truly not sin when you are angry at God?
Come to me is God’s message. It has been the message since the moment God created Adam and Eve. Come to me does not mean to come only when you are happy and carefree. It means that sometimes you will come in absolute rage and hate. It means you will come when you are completely overburdened and will not take one more step. It means to come when you would much rather be dead.
So are you ready to love your Father this day, and to ask Him to come to you when you are this upset and frustrated. Are you ready to say, “Come to me Lord and help me. I hate my life and I want to not be this way anymore. God help me, please!!!”
And when God comes, are you going to be humble, loving, merciful, and grace-filled enough to listen, to be loved, and to trust in what He says back to you? Or is this just all a bunch of words that sound good?
Joshua asked the Israelite people to choose whom they would serve. I ask you to choose whom you will talk to. Will you tell everyone else how unfair God is to you, or will you go to Him, even in anger, and talk to Him about your challenges? He wants that relationship, and to be honest, He has earned it.
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